Monday, February 11, 2013

PROBLEM:  You hate Valentine’s Day.

SOLUTION:  Change your perspective on what it really means and why you hate it.
While Valentine’s Day may appear to be solely a day for romance, here at We Solved It – we’d like to remind you that it can also be a day of replenishment for your psyche and your soul.  The cycle and circle of life itself is a unique one.  

Just because it is a commercialized holiday on the calendar – doesn’t mean you only need to celebrate it on the day itself.   Valentine’s Day much like Thanksgiving and Earth Day should be holidays celebrated every day – Love, Gratitude and caring for our planet are not just one-day-per-year celebrations and shouldn’t be limited to such.   If we did this – we would not dislike holidays so much because we feel obligated on ‘the one day’ we think we have to do something.  If we take the time to celebrate what matters each day, there wouldn’t be so much pressure on just one day, or expectation to be a certain way just because a date on the calendar dictates for us to be in a happy mood and do as the holiday states. 

One of the biggest misconceptions about Valentine’s Day is that you must have someone in your life to know what love is or how to celebrate this holiday.   Quite frankly, the opposite is true – you have to know who you are, what it is in your mind and heart and know how to appreciate yourself inside and out in order to even be able to give to someone else.   One of the reasons there are givers and takers is example that this is true.  If you constantly give – you have nothing left.  If you constantly take, nobody wants to give to someone who doesn’t know how to reciprocate.  Both are unhealthy scenarios and they do not work as they usually cause resentment from the other party or you, yourself will tire of a one-sided scenario.  This is what causes the cycle of fulfillment and depletion imbalance.   There are the days people are full of energy, life, enthusiasm and inspiration.  They have creativity.  They feel full of motivation and initiative.

Then the ‘overextension’ gets the best of them.  They get sick. They sometimes go into the hospital and are treated for exhaustion. They are dry, empty, unmotivated and feel literally ‘stuck. ‘ 

This is nothing new.  This is not a new ‘condition.’  But it is part of the human condition.  It is part of what we call the lack of self-love.  We must monitor this cycle to make sure we never get out of synchronization with ourselves and so we can stay in balance to have healthy relationships.
Very much like when a car is expected to go, but the keys are lost and the tank is empty, the cycle of depletion is a temporary situation.  Yes, the keys will be found and the tank will be filled once again. And then when you’re ready to go you’ll be stuck in traffic and get frustrated and then, yes, disrupt your internal peace meter.

This cycle is what melts us. But it is also what keeps us going at the same time.  You cannot have one without the other.  You cannot go, go, go and not ever expect to be stopped or be forced to stop the madness of the constant on-the-go cycle. 

Why do we have it?  It’s part of what nature intends as natural decompression.  We may not understand this – because we are human.  Humans are selfish beings who assume that everything is to happen upon desire and upon our terms.  But nature doesn’t intend us to live this way. 

If we look to the example given in the wild, an animal may wish to drink water because it is thirsty.  But perhaps it hasn’t rained in months and water is scarce.  So animals trek on in search of water and they will be forced to go the long route to go find it in the hot sun.  Then suddenly there will be some shade to sit under to rest.  And just because the animal sits in the shade and rests does not mean that thirst has gone away.  Yes, the animal may be tired, but the journey is there to seek out to quench the thirst it has.  Water may not come easily, but it is part of the idea that this is what keeps us yearning, hoping, learning, growing.   We must learn patience and we must learn discipline.  We must also learn to work hard for what we get and soon, in time, we will quench our thirst.   Perhaps along this journey we are meant to become thirstier, as if to desire more and be more motivated for when we have the energies to pursue the journey.   Sometimes the journey is long for purpose. So that we can remember to sit under the shade of the tree to enjoy the process of being ‘in the process’ of being.

This cycle of depletion is a gift. It is a reward before the big reward. It is a reminder to appreciate what we do have instead of what we don’t.  

In other words, if we appreciate the legs we have to walk the journey. We get start to understand what it means to appreciate the fact we found a tree along the way to guard us from the sun.  We will appreciate what it means to relax, when given the means (or force of exhaustion) to relax.  So that we can enjoy it for what it is.  And so when we finally get that wonderful quenching sip of water at last, we will not only savor the sip, and enjoy the beauty of finally discovering it – but we will have something to reflect back on to know what we were made of to get us there to enjoy it, rather than have it given to us when we wanted it or demanded it. 

The art of self-love is knowing when you need to fill your own tank.  Sometimes we need the time and space to relax, think, read, be and replenish.  It could be something as simple as going for a walk to clear your head, vegging out with a good book or movie or simply playing with the dog so we can catch our breath again to give our best selves to our family, friends and those we love.   We must understand that it is in the balance of this – where we can show up as our best selves when we are with the people we care about most.  But we must always understand if we constantly self-loathe, we’ll never get to the place of being happy with ourselves much less be happy around others. 

The cycle of depletion teaches us to be humble and give thanks for the downtime to rest, relax, heal, get well, sort out feelings, ideas, emotions, problems, issues and refuel to become more prepared for the journey ahead called life.  But it is up to each of us to learn the art of self-love with a time out to reflect upon who we are and what we are thankful for so we can appreciate life itself and how we live it so we have more love to share and give.  If we practice the art of self-love every single day, we will be less likely to loathe holidays so much because we will have had the time to refill our spirits to be in a more spirited place to celebrate. 


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