Friday, March 1, 2013

Words.  They’re a beautiful thing.  They can be informative, enlightening, magical, personally transformational and life changing.

And this is said in a positive light even if the words themselves are negative.

See… even hurtful words can be informative, enlightening, magical, transformational and life changing also.  It depends on what you do with the words…. How you look at them.

Let’s start with family.  They say you can pick your friends but you cannot pick your relatives.   This is true.  Take any major holiday, family reunion, wedding, funeral or even in the grind of day-to-day living.   You will find within it, a moment – where words themselves tend to show up and sometimes make a not-so-nice appearance.

We have witnessed in our own families and in others how cutting words can be. From a snide remark peppered with sarcasm and guilt, to an old emotional scar button pushed several times, to critical and verbally abusive words which are destructive to the soul.

But have we truly observed?  Words themselves can be eye-opening. Words can be ironic. Words can be funny.  Words can be expressive. Words can tell a story  - even when you think you already know it…. They can reveal something deeper if you look.

Take these same words from an employer, a toxic salesperson at a store, a raging car next to you in traffic on the freeway….. somehow, the words don’t seem to hurt as much, yet they could be the same words.  Even the most calm, with-it and together person, could think of a zillion zingers and expletives to remark back to these words from someone who is not family.


You can talk to anyone – even a stranger and they can go on and on about how some person they just encountered did this and said that.  They have no problem mentioning this at all.  But ask that same person if they have any rift in their family  - and suddenly the topic almost seems taboo and shameful. 

There is an automatic protection  - not just to privacy, but almost a territorial protection toward those we love to protect the rest of society from seeing how ugly their words can be.   But we all know, not every member in our family is a saint. Not every person in our family practices harmony and loving kindness.  And we seem to be more ashamed of that, than we do when a stranger behaves the same way.

It is because we are conditioned to believe that love from family is unconditional… that somehow respect and acceptance are automatically born along with the bloodline.  Yet, we are more forgiving and willing to blow off the same behavior from people we are less emotionally attached to.

What we don’t realize is that by forgiving the stranger, we are being exactly what we automatically expect family to be.

But in reality, the energy we radiate outward is the same energy we can receive in return, by being pro-active instead of reactive.  We’re all human. No one is perfect.  But we have choices and the choice words we say today can affect tomorrow….. good or bad.  And the words that follow those words can either add and build up or tear down.

Education is power.  Our choice of words to anyone has something special attached to it……….CHOICE.    

The choices we make in how we respond are uniquely ours to own and accept responsibility for.   If we generate the energy of showing up everyday as our ‘best self’ we have done all that we can possibly do and expect of ourselves.  

And just because someone else chooses not to show up as their ‘best self’ – we have to surrender control over how they act and how WE REACT.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s a stranger we encounter at the grocery line or if it is Aunt Ida.  We can educate.  We can enlighten.  We have the power to change ourselves and possibly help transform someone else, but it is still their free will to make the change they need to become their ‘best self’ on any given day.

We can improve our own peaceful way of being each day by remembering something very key. 

We own our own happiness.   Did you know this?    If we enable someone to ruin our good day, that is our fault.  This is not to say we cannot feel irritated, annoyed, hurt or betrayed.  But we can get to a point of realization that we choose how long we hold onto things.  That grudges are not healthy.  And that forgiveness sets our spirits free.

Take your pair of hands.   In one hand, you can hold onto a grudge and some painful rift with your sister or brother.   In the other hand you can hold onto some annoying thing you allowed to ruin a perfectly good day while at the gas station.   But imagine if you opened both hands and dropped both things and instead opened both arms to embrace something BIGGER than those two grudges, and embraced happiness and harmony in your life that you could wrap your arms around to carry with you every single day.

Would you do it?   Ask yourself this.   Would you?

Power to the people.  We are not alone.  In fact, we have each other, people.  We are a Zen family.  We chose you, or you chose us.   We have the ability to empower ourselves.  We have the ability to make changes like these in how we enable or disable our outside stimulus, environment and even internal family squabbles, rifts, and issues. We have the choice whether or not ‘words’ can affect us by infecting us with negative and toxic energy or turn it around to remind us that we ourselves can be more positive.  We can still love and accept someone for who they are as they are, flaws and all.  Sure, we can have the human thoughts that run in our minds about saying some perfect slam back as we ‘virtually’ pour a drink over someone’s negative head.    (shh, we won’t tell anyone).   ;)

We can respect our own spirits and the progress we are making being works in progress as we grow, thrive and change, making ourselves healthier and stronger mentally and emotionally and above all, spiritually.

WE OWN THAT.  No matter how destructive words can be – no one can take the peace away from you.  Never, ever – you own your own peace if you recognize it is there to own in the first place!  And it’s up to you to claim it and reclaim it once again whenever you need to – even on a not so perfect day.

Words cannot erase the progress you are making. You are making a positive choice to make your life great every single say.  You don’t need approval from anyone.  You are your own person.  And you are the one who lives with the thoughts that roll around in your head as it hits the pillow at night. 

Together, we can stay the positive path….

Life is short.  We keep saying this.  But honestly – if this all ended tomorrow we would realize how precious life is and how life changing words can be. 

And we can choose to stamp each day with beautiful words….

We love you dear friends of We Solved It and appreciate your following our blog.   You make each day beautiful, just as you are…. May each day bring you beautiful words – words you share, words you embrace, words you express and words that make you feel good each day.  And even for the words you don’t hear – may they somehow make a difference in your heart and in your life.



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